at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
