Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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