we made out on top of his cat.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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