He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
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