Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
