You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I love you.
Bad choice
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
The ass gains better be worth it
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
