My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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