you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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