even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
