Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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