Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
im holly from the hills drunk
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
