And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Randomize
