Please, let me fuck your mom
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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