So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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