Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
