please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
