its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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