You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
