I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
