Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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