if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
