who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
