I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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