Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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