so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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