these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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