Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
