Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
