Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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