So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
