I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
