Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
