And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
