Where is the hickey?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
