my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
