I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
