I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
