just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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