Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
