He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
