Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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