I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
