That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
