Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
they call him Oral-B. enough said
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
