If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
