Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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