i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
