You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
