I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
