Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Two words: blizzard sex
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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