So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Your cock deserves a montage
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
