Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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